The Psychological Effects of Growing Up with a Controlling Mother and How Therapy Can Help
Growing up with a controlling mother can have a profound impact on a child’s psychological and emotional development, often carrying over into adulthood. While every parent-child relationship is unique, an overly controlling mother can stifle autonomy, create lasting insecurities, and complicate one’s sense of self. Understanding these effects is the first step towards healing, and therapy can play a vital role in this process.
The Impact of a Controlling Mother
Children of controlling mothers often experience a diminished sense of independence. Such parents may make decisions on their child’s behalf, scrutinise their choices, or demand compliance in ways that leave little room for self-expression. Over time, this can lead to low self-esteem, chronic self-doubt, and difficulties in making decisions as adults.
Emotionally, individuals with controlling mothers may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or anxiety. These feelings often stem from a childhood marked by a fear of criticism or failure. Some may also develop perfectionist tendencies, striving to meet the unrealistic standards set during their upbringing. In more severe cases, individuals may internalise their mother’s controlling behaviours, making it difficult to form healthy relationships or trust others.
Resentment is another common consequence, as these individuals may feel they were denied the opportunity to explore their own identity or pursue their goals. However, they might also grapple with guilt, especially if they were conditioned to equate compliance with love and approval.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy provides a safe space to explore and address the lasting effects of having had a controlling mother. A therapist can help individuals identify and understand the patterns of thought and behaviour rooted in childhood. This awareness is essential for breaking cycles of self-criticism and dependency.
A key focus in therapy is fostering a stronger sense of self. This might include setting boundaries, exploring personal values, and practising self-compassion. Therapists can guide individuals to make independent decisions and trust their instincts—skills that may not have been nurtured during childhood.
Furthermore, therapy can address deeper emotional wounds, such as resentment, guilt, or feelings of inadequacy. Approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused methods can help individuals reframe negative beliefs and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Finally, therapy can improve relationship patterns by cultivating assertiveness and emotional intimacy. This equips individuals to form healthier connections, free from the shadow of past experiences.
By engaging in therapy, those affected by a controlling mother can begin to heal, rediscover their identity, and lead more fulfilling, autonomous lives.